7 Jan 2013

Handling bullies at Work



Before you all start guessing about the nature of this blog, let me say that this is indeed a beauty blog but today I had lots of things running around my mind that I decided to put them down in paper. After all, this blog is a reflection of my inner voice right?

I realized off late that I am being mentally abused by Mr. X and Y shortly at my work. Those two, one of whom is my immediate superior, is an absolute hell. He hates my caste (not my mistake). He hates the way I speak. He tries and succeeds embarrassing me and finding fault with my communication ability and interpersonal skill. He told me that I am rude, that I don’t have manners and told almost everything to make me feel low about myself.

On the other hand, Mr. Y is a virus who had no life of his own and is depended on Mr. X’s support to comment, joke, or do anything to make me feel bad. Whatever I did, these two had some comment or the other to make. The way I smiled, the way I said hello, the way I called the pantry guy for a cup of coffee. They thought that they are making a favor for me by pointing these out and once Mr. X even said that he thought himself to be my guardian (I happen to be the youngest).

I used to take their taunting quite graciously as they used to behave so sweetly now and then, till I realized that taking these periodic taunting only made me feel bad and depressed day by day. I read some common stories on the internet and decided to stand up against those crap. Like, ENOUGH is ENOUGH.

A couple of days back; I had a sensible conversation with Mr. X for the first time and told him that his behavior made me feel bad. I felt so much relieved and relaxed. He was of course taken aback by my response and since then, he started to restrict his “advices and comments”. Mr. Y being the virus he is, started keeping quite once he saw the changes in X’s behavior towards me.

This experience taught me the ultimate lesson – KEEPING QUITE WILL NEVER SOLVE THE PROBLEM. SPEAKING OUT WILL.

Here I have compiled few things which I feel will be useful to girls who are in similar situations as mine.

What to do if you find yourself in a similar situation especially if the abusive one is your senior or boss:

STEP 1: Don’t react at the scene. Keep Quite.

No doubt the person might have hurt you so many times in the past that you would have reached the peak of your patience and will be boiling inside. Just relax – Don’t speak.

When we lose our cool, it might be mainly be due one single reason - We would have had enough of their arrogance. But, at “that” moment of your outburst, he/she would have made a very trivial mistake compared to those done earlier. Opening your mouth at that juncture will only bring you more bad than good.

There are high chances that the other party will brand you as a sensitive person who is not able to take a small remark. 

STEP 2: Plan:

When you decide to report the person to your HR or speak directly to the person about their behavior, always remember that the person, being senior to you in age and service, will always try to convince you that everything was done for your own good and will disagree with 90% of what you say.

So always write down the incidents that made you feel bad. Noting such things down has dual benefits. One, it will take the hate and the feeling of being suppressed from your heart. You will feel fresh again. Two, it will help you at the time you decide to report the person. (Of course, don’t show them what you have written)

STEP 3: Stick to your decision:

Whatever you decide, be it to complain, keep calm or speak to them directly stick to your decision. Once you have made up your mind, however difficult it may seem, do not argue within yourself. Be it justification or regret, just don’t do it. We all end up asking questions to ourselves as to the correctness of our decision at such times. It will ruin your peace of mind along with a good night sleep. 

STEP 4: The Aftermath:

During interrogation or during the time when you go and speak to the person directly, don’t get emotional or lose your cool. This is the ultimate deal breaker. Just listen carefully to their arguments and never intervene or get emotional. Being calm at such situations has got its own perks.

And, once you have made your point, don’t go to their offices/cabins the next day carrying the grudge in your heart. Leave everything happiness/sadness at the threshold of your office every evening you step out.

Start the next day afresh.

STEP 5: Follow some common Tips:

1. When you are so angry that you feel that your mind is losing its control, go to the loo. It is said to clear off the excess adrenalin. After that take small sips of water and breathe slowly.

2. For ladies, do not cry in front of the person who abuses you however tempted you may feel. Control your tears and go to your cabin/restroom to cry. It is not wrong to cry. As it will be the only outlet of anger for few. I have a childhood practice/habit. I will never cry in front of people. Be it my mum, dad or anyone. If that’s your policy too then well and good.

3. Don’t believe when the person who abuses sweet talks with you. Such people will say “I have great respect for you.” “You are like my son/daughter”, “I will only think about the best for you.”, such person will always say such stuffs in regular intervals making you think twice about the image you have about them in your mind. Just don’t believe it as they will be at their abusive best the next day.

4. Do not take personal threats like I will kill you, I will break your hand etc lightly. No job is worth your life. Report immediately.

5. SHARE. Share these with your trusted confidante.

Sharing helps. Sharing heals.


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1 comment:

  1. awesome article Raji... well said...
    abusing the juniors is like some daily task what some people do..
    staying calm at that moment helps a lot..

    ReplyDelete

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